I got back into some (a very small three pages worth) of my scrap booking over the last weekend whilst recovering from the Dublin experience from the week before, I noticed that almost every page in my book has some sorts of wording or lettering in along with the images and this frustrated me. I seem to have lost the ability to produce emotions or feelings through images only, I cannot seem to express what I’m feeling without the need to include words to explain. How is that so hard to do? So I want to take a different step in my scrap booking because I feel like I’ve come to a halt. I don’t enjoy drawing any more and I know exactly why, during my year in Art college I constantly felt like what I was creating wasn’t good enough. I went into that course feeling so thrilled and excited to be surrounded by like minded people and getting to do what I loved the most every day didn’t seem real to me. It was strange to me to think that I could sit and create the things inside my head all day and it was exactly what I was supposed to do, it’s all I ever wanted to do with my life and now I had this chance I was in my crafty elemental heaven.
Before I went into Art college my style of art was very.. you could say broad. I loved painting and drawing more than anything and I enjoyed challenging myself to make clothes,accessories and anything that took my fancy or looked like a good challenge. I always tried anything if I had the tools to do so. Something I always had on me was a sketchbook and up until Art college I had tons of the things, held shut with elastic bands because they were so filled to the brim! I obviously had a sketchbook during college but my interest in drawing started to slip after about 6 months, I didn’t like the teaching methods our professors would use when trying to improve our skills. I constantly felt under the level in my class and that whatever I did or made was never good enough for their standards. It totally killed my spirits and after that anything I made I disliked or wouldn’t keep. I felt like they were trying to mould me into what they wanted my art to be like for them, conditioning me to think that any other way wasn’t right in their eyes or societies eyes. Who’s to say Art is structured anyway?
Creating art to me is a way of escape, being free and letting your mind delve into what you love best and totally getting wrapped up in your projects and ideas that you don’t realise the hours slipping by. There has been many nights where I’ve stayed up well into the early morning hours, trying to get to sleep at dawn & hiding from the sunlight streaking through my curtains! Art just envelopes me, filling me with happiness. Without it I can’t really imagine what kind of a human being I would be. I assume a very boring one. So even though I’m not in that structured course in Art College anymore, I will always have that passion and drive to create by myself, without Art College, and I’m slowly accepting that what I create isn’t just unworthy crap. It’s silly but it always happens, I never think my work is good enough once it’s finished. But I’m making myself keep everything instead of throwing it out, displaying it instead of hiding it away etc, because one day I will appreciate my own work!
So although drawing and painting have kinda gone out the window since Art college, I’ve never been more crafty in other aspects; I’ve done so much since art college! I’ve learned to knit, crochet and weave -admittedly i’m not very good at the knitting only doing the basics but it’s a start! I’ve altered almost every garment in my wardrobe and even created some of my own dresses from scratch! (all without the help of the Fashion course I did plan to do after my course in Art.) I’ve made soaps,lip balms,bath ballistics etc..the list for lush inspired goodies never really stops with me, I want them all! I’ve always made sure I’m always busy with something to do, and having a crafty list to slowly tick the boxes off this year has been a great way for me to keep in check what I’ve been up too and got left to do in the ‘craft department.’
Although I miss that regular routine of getting up and going to college to make things I love surrounded by awesome like minded people (it’s where I met Shane and Shauna!) I’m happier doing it in my own free time at the comfort of my own desk in my jammies. Although, I did go to college atleast once in my pajamas ha! Art Students eh?! :)
Do what you love & love what you do